am i doing enough

i've been feeling really frustrated lately.  i haven't been losing weight really this last few weeks, month really. i haven't gained anything it's always the same when i get on the scale once a week,(just a few ounces here and there difference) but i just haven't been losing. and it's really discouraging.

i'm not gonna lie, these past 4 months have been really hard.  especially with having to be a mother and wife and helping my children and husband with all of their needs when all i really want is so be number one.  i really just want to only focus on me.  yeah only in my dreams right. hahaha. i can dream right. 

i've been doing a lot of thinking and figuring out myself a bit more and figuring out why i let myself get to where i was/am.  someone i know said to me one day.  "you are always going, and moving, why are you not a stick?" yeah, burrrrrn. but even though those words were maybe harsh, she was right. why was i not a stick? i'm always going, doing something active. it all revolved around food for me. i like to eat. who doesn't right, but there is a time to eat, and a time to not eat. i've finally noticed when i eat when i'm not supposed to. when i'm upset, frustrated or just bored (aka: mindless eating).  so clearly i was that way all time cause i was eating alot. i would say mostly mindless eating.  just the comfort of eating something, made me feel good.  well, i was happily eating my self to a terrible life.

i am no way "cured" of this mind set of eating, but i am certainly getting better. It is frustrating to eat well, exercises, do what i know i should be doing to get healthy and not see any results on the scale from this, and then i start thinking a little treat won't hurt it will make me feel better.  I start a war with myself on whether i should eat this or not.  it's a constant mind battle, and i'm getting the healthy me to win. 

i have been especially frustrated today.  so i decided to go through my old clothes and try them on.  first i was angry with myself because these clothes are HUGE, then i felt relief.  I am NOT that person any more.  It made me feel better about the progress that i've been making.  It has been so far, long & hard, but very rewarding too.  I still have tons of work left but i'm hoping by the end of the year i'll be a completly different person. A happier and healthier person.

i'm getting rid of all the old clothes that dont fit anymore, a sort of closure on that past person. :)

thanks for sticking with me and keeping me motivated! :)

have a happy thursday!